Now, in my case, "other girl" does have a specific identity- she does exist, and she has plenty of fabulous features for me to compare myself to (you go girl). However, I think for a lot of girls, maybe "other girl" is a woman in a film, a magazine, a porno. Maybe for some of us, "other girl" is anyone who isn't us. The fact that my "other girl" is real and close by is largely irrelevant- I don't feel threatened by her because I actually think Boyf is interested, but because I see things in her that I don't see in me, and these are things that I want. Things that I feel would surely make me more attractive and desirable. I am, in short, comparing myself to her and falling way, way short.
During the inevitable argument that followed my mentioning of "other girl" to Boyf (who, I should point out, has very little experience of or with women) it became clear to me that he was totally baffled by the idea that I might feel this way. It literally did not make sense to him that I even imagined him having an interest in someone else. He has no concept of the amount of self-loathing, comparing and worrying that goes hand in hand with many females' self image. So I started to wonder; why do I feel this way, and what can I do to stop it?
Enter jogging. Anyone who knows me knows that I am violently allergic to exercise, or in fact anything that requires me to break a sweat. I HATE it. However, following a particularly inspiring item on an episode of ITVs This Morning last week about larger ladies engaging in the wonderful activity of jogging, I decided it was something that I could maybe use to combat this "other girl" syndrome that has crept into my subconscious of late. I thought that maybe, if I faced the humiliation that I so often feel when I attempt to exercise in public, said "fuck you" to all the (imaginary) people that laughed at me as I staggered along and did something purely for myself, maybe I could eventually stop comparing myself to any and all of the "other girls" out there and just feel comfortable to be in my own skin doing what I want to do. And you know what? I might have only ventured out twice (for less than ten minutes at a time but let's not talk about that) and I might have just stuffed my face with an obscene amount of Indian food and I might already be planning the Belgian bun that I'm going to eat for breakfast tomorrow, but I genuinely feel better already. Corny though it sounds, I have taken back control of my body and my thoughts and decided that I'm not going to compare myself anymore. I'm not trying to lose weight (though I won't complain if I do) or change my body or mould myself to what I think Boyf wants, and I'm definitely not trying to be more like "other girl". Whether I like it or not, I'm always going to have shit eyesight, I'll always burn instead of tanning when the sun is out, and I'll always have a massive arse. I'm just taking a step in the right direction to help make me feel better about myself, giving myself a challenge that has previously scared me, and slowly but surely beginning to accept myself as I am.
Bye bye, "other girl".
